GOP Primaries, as sung by Gotye

Rick Santorum Drops Out: Comedy Writers Crestfallen

Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum has dropped out of the presidential race, triggering a wave of despair among not only Santorum supporters, but also political comedy writers. “He said he was in this thing for the long haul,” lamented one Daily Show writer, “I’ve got a kid to feed.” With Rick Santorum out of the race, […]

Mitt Romney: GOP Political Race…And The Winner Is?

President Eisenhower once said he erred in his opinion and/or choices of only two people (for chosen elected officials) and that those choices later went on to shifted the tenor of the court from conservative to liberal, which was something he had not intended. Flash forward to our present day “choices” that will be equally […]

Rick Santorum: Friends Don’t Let Friends Use Pink Balls

Rick Santorum is terrified of pink bowling balls particularly in the hands of young boys especially when they might be caught on camera during a photo opt with the Republican presidential candidate. During a campaign stop at a Wisconsin bowling alley, Santorum bravely saved a young man who dared to grab one of the wicked […]

Pride and Prejudice, and Political Zombies

He has ‘only the fondest of sentiments for sport’ and counts ‘amongst my closest friends several who own NASCAR teams.’ In all ways, he’s a proper gentleman about whom the only rumors are those of his wealth.  When chiding hecklers as to the personhood of corporations, he calls them “friend.” On a vigorous run, hardly […]

Things Heating Up in Illinois

No, not that kind of “heat”, not the kind that would imply anything even remotely interesting or exciting is happening in the Illinois primary. Romney will win and everyone on TV will argue about whether the win was by a large enough margin to put Santorum away. I’ll answer that now. No. No it isn’t. […]

Santorum for Dummies: Obama Allowed ‘Slaughter’ of Iran Protesters

We are going to attempt the impossible: translating Santorum. Before you say it! We’re not translating the meaning of the word “Santorum.” We all know what that means. We are going to attempt to translate Santorum’s actual words. I know, right?! We’re crazy like that. While discussing the 2006 Iran Freedom and Support Act at […]

Pennsylvania Governor, Tom Corbett, On Ultrasound Mandate: Just ‘Close Your Eyes’

Some people have eyes in the back of their heads, and women apparently have eyes in the vaginas according to Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett. Gov. Corbett took some questions and answers during a discussion of the new mandatory ultrasound Pennsylvania bill that is similar to the now mostly defunct Virginia preemptive-pole-up-your-pooter bill. According to the […]

‘Teleprompters Should Be Illegal’ Says Man Who Wants to be President

Rick Santorum, Presidential candidate, has declared in a speech in Mississippi that teleprompters should be illegal. No, not as a joke. No, not to satirize the dangers of an over-sized government. Rick Santorum, (Did I mention Presidential candidate?) in the most important two weeks of Primary Season is legitimately and sincerely proposing that the government […]

Democrats, Bill Maher and the Case of the Angry F**kers

Rush Limbaugh is pound scum, no doubt. And while I really wouldn’t put Bill Maher in that category, he has said things on his show and allowed things to be said on his show that are simply sickening. And the fact is, if we are going to hold a douche like Rush Limbaugh to the […]