Open Letter To Those Who Signed Petition To Secede From U.S.

Texas-Secede

Dear Crybabies, Recently, your guy lost a presidential election. I know, I know— total bummer. So, being the American patriot that you are, you have signed a petition compelling your state to secede from the United States. So let me understand, your boyfriend wasn’t picked to be captain of the high school football team so now you’re going to [...]

Pride and Prejudice, and Political Zombies

Mitt Romney putting a ring on it - the Elephant's nose

He has ‘only the fondest of sentiments for sport’ and counts ‘amongst my closest friends several who own NASCAR teams.’ In all ways, he’s a proper gentleman about whom the only rumors are those of his wealth.  When chiding hecklers as to the personhood of corporations, he calls them “friend.” On a vigorous run, hardly [...]

One Last Rick Perry Comic…

Strong

Rick Perry Out, Taps Newt Gingrich’s Ass

Rick Perry Out Taps Newt Gingrichs Ass

Rick Perry has officially taken his ass out of the 2012 presidential race and tapped the ass of Newt Gingrich. Yes, we know that donkeys are typically associated with the Democratic Party, but we are simply using the term “ass” in the sense that they are domestic horselike mammals that are often entered into races. [...]

The New Asperity

The New Asperity

Did you know that in Germany it’s illegal for one driver to flip off another? It’s one of the most common traffic violations cited in German courts. One has to wonder why, in a country where by simply rolling your Rs around you can change the English word for ‘bitter’ into German ‘please’, someone decided [...]

Rick Perry Releases Mitt Romney Fire People Ringtone, Restoring Truthiness Releases Rick Perry Ringtone

Rick Perry Ringtone

We searched high and low for the evidence of the now infamous Rick Perry ringtone tribute to Mitt Romney that mocked the former Massachusetts Governor/Bain Capital Executive’s recent comment about his glee over firing people. But we had no luck. We even went so far as to become a member of Rick Perry’s website and [...]

Rick Perry Says He Would Send Troops Back Into Iraq…and Mordor

Rick Perry

During the New Hampshire primary debate Saturday night, presidential hopeful Rick Perry said that if elected president, he would send troops back into Iraq. As soon as he says the words, the voice of moderator Diane Sawyer can be heard saying, “Now?” Yes, Diane. Now. And that’s not all. During the commercial break, Rick Perry [...]

The Only Reason Rick Perry Should Head to New Hampshire

On Rick Perry Dropping Out - thejohnblog Tweet

Tweet and Retweet the tweet…

Breaking: Rick Perry Campaign Video Stolen From MTV

Rick Perry Video

Yesterday the internet was abuzz with the new Rick Perry campaign video. In the video Mr. Perry is climbing the delicate grassy slope of what appears to be a golf course, wearing his I’m-gonna-go-clear-the-snow-off-the-sidewalk jacket, complaining about homosexuals in chorus with a music bed of weak wind instruments. The video has been remixed and parodied [...]

The Last Gasp of the Failed GOP Frontrunner

The Last Gasp of the Failed GOP Frontrunner - Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry

With Newt Gingrich the current frontrunner for the GOP nomination and the recent implosion of the Herman Cain campaign, here’s a look at fates of the last few GOP presidential candidates that were once the frontrunner (i.e. Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Perry).