Newt Gingrich, Now It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Well everyone,  “Napping Newt” had to finally wake up, and before I begin this article I wanted to give him a real send off…(clearing my throat)…Ok, sing it with me (Mickey mouse club show theme music please): Who’s the leader of the club that embarrassed the G.O.P? N-E-W, T-G-I, N-G-R-I-C-H Newt Gingrich! (Mitt Romney) Newt […]

Romney vs. Gingrich / Cashinator vs. Smarface

Mitt Romney never sleeps; he only stands-by. Every morning, 5 a.m., his brain downloads and installs updates. Then Romney goes for a 10-mile run, stopping only to let his personal fitness trainer catch his breath. Before breakfast, Mitt shortly goes online for some quick stock trading, makes himself a couple million, just to keep in […]

Once Upon A Primary

ONCE UPON A TIME there was a young elephant.  This elephant was – as elephants often are – Republican.  And as the young pachyderm journeyed through the jungle toward his polling place, he came across a crazy old man who cackled like a fool. “They think I’m dangerous,” squealed the old Texan Libertarian. “Why would […]

A TrumpDorsement and Why It Matters

You’ve heard the news. You’ve rolled your eyes and went about your day. But as a proud patriot I”m just gonna state the facts here. Like all us conservatives do. And the simple fact is this: the Romney campaign should feel blessed that they received Donald Trump’s endorsement. The celestial event is known as a […]

Gingrich Proposes “Defense of Open Marriage Act”

Former House Speaker and current Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has been courting the party’s “religious right” sector with his opposition to gay marriage and his stand in favor of the Defense of Marriage Act (DoMA), which would legally define “marriage” as a “union of one man and one woman”. In a recent prayer breakfast […]

Donald Trump Delivers Knockout Blow to Romney Campaign by Endorsing it

The Donald Trump has endorsed Mitt Romney for President today at an event in Las Vegas. After a brief flirtation with running as a candidate himself, the Donald has decided that he is best suited for making a mockery of reality television and comb-overs and not politics. The news of The Donald’s endorsement of the […]

Herman Cain Endorses Newt by Using the Term ‘Sausage-Grinder’ Three Times

Herman Cain has endorsed Newt Gingrich for President and in typical Herman Cain style he could not resist saying something stupidly pizza related: Here are the facts, no one says sausage grinder. The colloquial term is meat grinder. But for some reason Herman Cain decided to specifically call politics a ‘sausage-grinder’. And he didn’t just […]

Newt Gingrich Wants Mitt Romney to Pay Zero Taxes

During Monday’s Republican debate at the University of South Florida in Tampa, Florida, Newt Gingrich proposed with his new tax plan that Mitt Romney pay NO taxes at all, whatsoever. You heard right. Romney was a bit perplexed at first and asked, “Mr. Speaker, is that tax on capital gains also 15% or is it […]

Quote of the day: Newt Gingrich, “Hold on a minute. Let me concentrate.”

In an outdoor town hall meeting Friday afternoon, attendees were in a state of bewilderment shortly after Newt Gingrich took 53 seconds to answer a question. What followed next put everyone in a state of confusion, including the news media. The question came from a South Carolina college freshman. He asked what Gingrich’s policy would […]

Mitt Romney’s Presidential Campaign Ruined Because He Spoke French Once

Newt Gingrich, self-proclaimed legitimate Presidential candidate, has been flexing his muscles in South Carolina by attacking the current Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney. It has proven difficult to attack Romney on the basis of political platform and policy because frankly people don’t care about that. But there is one thing that Newt knows everyone in America […]