Newt Gingrich is Writing Checks His Campaign Can’t Cash

Newton Leroy Gingrich will not stop running for President. His ego won’t let him. He can delude himself into having an answer for any problem that comes along. His party wants him to stop, so he runs in spite of them as an outsider. Voters aren’t responding to him, but he knows what’s best for […]

Mitt Romney Has Few Vices

It is true that Mitt Romney has very few vices…Vice Presidential choices that is (I’ll be here all week folks). That is if you believe what any of the leading speculative candidates for the position are saying. Since Romney has all but wrapped up his party’s nomination, the conversation is changing to who he will […]

Romney Backed By “Pink Slime” Money

The company Beef Products Inc., has come under fire for adding what the media is referring to as “pink slime” (yum) to their ground beef. What is “pink slime” made of? Well, I’m glad you asked. First, you chop off all the things from a piece of meat that you wouldn’t want to eat. Then […]

Surprisingly, Birthers Aren’t Racist. Unsurprisingly, They Are Totally Insane.

The Birthers are back everybody! Get out your tin foil hats and Roswell mementos cause it’s about to get real conspiracy-ey up in here! A few days ago, John Albert Dummett, Jr., a write-in candidate for the California Republican Primary in June (I would say his odds for winning in 2012 are slightly worse than […]

Most Hatable Man in the US Convicted of Manslaughter. American Justice System, High Five!

John Goodman is a truly despicable person. Not John Goodman the actor, he’s fantastic. I’m talking about John Goodman the 48 year old man who was convicted of manslaughter today in Florida. That John Goodman is so deplorable, so over-the-top evil that if John Goodman (the actor) played John Goodman (the human stadium parking lot […]

Things Heating Up in Illinois

No, not that kind of “heat”, not the kind that would imply anything even remotely interesting or exciting is happening in the Illinois primary. Romney will win and everyone on TV will argue about whether the win was by a large enough margin to put Santorum away. I’ll answer that now. No. No it isn’t. […]

George Clooney Arrested. For Being Too Handsome?

George Clooney was arrested in Washington, D.C. today for civil disobedience during a protest in front of the Sudanese embassy. You may be asking yourself, “What is going on in Sudan that has George Clooney protesting in front of the embassy?” Don’t feel bad, unless George Clooney is involved, the news media doesn’t spend much […]

Homeless Turned Into WiFi Hotspots

Finally, someone has done something about the homeless problem in our country. The humanitarian organization (or advertising agency, I always get those two confused) Bartle Bogle Hegarty (BBH) equipped 13 homeless people in Austin, Texas with 4G devices. These human WiFi hotspots were then given signs asking people to give them $2 for 15 minutes […]

Obama! The Movie!

It has been said by many that President Obama doesn’t necessarily have bad policies, but that he has a problem communicating his policies and accomplishments to the American people. Well, it looks like the Obama campaign figured out how to reach the electorate: Matters of domestic and foreign policy haven’t been this interesting since season […]

Play Ball! Preferably if You Are Christian

In 2010 the Iman Academy SW, a Houston based Islamic school with over 500 students sought membership in the Texas Association of Private and Parochial Schools (Tapps), a group that organizes sporting events among more than 200 schools. The school was denied admission after an application process that included a peculiar questionnaire. Peculiar because all […]