Presidential candidate Mitt Romney comes bearing gifts for every college graduate this holiday season. During a Q&A at a campaign stop on Thursday in New Hampshire, the presidential hopeful said, “What I can promise you is this – when you get out of college, if I’m president you’ll have a job. If President Obama is reelected, you will not be able to get a job.”
Some have speculated about the statement saying that Mr. Romney may not have been being completely honest with the American public, given the staggering unemployment rate. Some say this is just one more example of the false dichotomy that has fueled the perpetual partisan gridlock in Washington over the past few years. And still others say Mr. Romney is simply grasping at straws as he sees his lead in the polls slipping away to Newt Gingrich.
However, these fears are unfounded as RestoringTruthiness has uncovered Mitt Romney’s secret plan to employ every college graduate (if he’s elected.)
Secret documents reveal that Mitt Romney has purchased a massive plot of land in western suburbs of Phoenix Arizona where he is building the largest man made structure in the history of the world: A 400 square mile Applebee’s.
Applebee’s, known for their affordable American cuisine, half priced appetizers, and bathtub sized margaritas, has confirmed that Mr. Romney had purchased franchise rights in late October of this year. Arizona General Electric has confirmed that they were approached by Mr. Romney’s Applebee’s Exploratory Committee in regards to building a massive nuclear reactor in the core of the MegaApplebee’s to power the reported 2,456,999,025 blenders, 4,998,985 bathroom hand blowers, and over 100,000,000 dimmed light bulbs that will be needed to operated the Dallas Texas sized restaurant.
A Romney staffer, who asked to remain nameless, said that Mr. Romney plans on opening the restaurant soon after he is elected President and will give every college graduate in the country a job at the restaurant. When we asked the staffer what Mr. Romney would do in the event that he lost the election:
“Oh, Jesus. He’ll probably burn that fucker down. Mr. Romney is a Republican to the bone. If it doesn’t benefit the party, he has no problem engaging in scorched-earth tactics. If he loses, America loses. I could see him burning the place down and salting the earth so nothing will grow there for 1000 years. He is a man of great conviction in that way. That’s something he would never flip-flop on.”
- Rachel Maddow Mocks Mitt Romney For ‘Invisible Boot’ Metaphor (VIDEO) (huffingtonpost.com)
- Mitt Romney’s greatest tweet ever (dailykos.com)
- Forget The Flip Flops, Here’s What Could REALLY Cost Mitt Romney The Election (businessinsider.com)