Trump Ankles “Newt Romney” to New Reality TV Show

Trump Ankles "Newt Romney" to New Reality TV Show

Trump Ankles "Newt Romney" to New Reality TV Show

There have been more GOP debates this fall than episodes of “Dancing with the Stars.” This week’s debate, hosted by Fox News in Sioux City, Iowa, was the mid-season cliffhanger, and left voters wondering who will triumph and who will paso doble their way back to obscurity, which in Republican politics means either becoming a lobbyist or the new host of Fox News Sunday. Will it be Newt Gingrich, the philandering professor? Or Mitt Romney, the effeminate Mormon? Or will the Iowans choose the wild card candidate, Ron Paul, who makes the guy from “Saw” not only look like he’s in a good mood but reasonable.

They all looked exhausted. Clearly all the campaigning, fundraising, and spending time up Donald Trump’s ass has started to take its toll. For some reason, they all want to believe they’re already running against Obama. “He’s our real opponent,” said Gingrich. Sure, it’s a charming thought. But Obama’s not joining this series until late next season. Right now everyone’s waiting to see if Republicans Got Talent. And it’s going to be interesting to see if tap dancing or even trash-talking is going to be enough going up against the greatest campaigner in modern political history.

Overall this week’s debate was disappointing. Why must they all get along? Is it too much to ask for a couple zingers, outrageous rich-guy bets, Rick Perry staring blankly into the camera, or Michelle Bachmann staring blankly into the camera? I’m starting to think this season might have peaked too early. I mean, where was the fighting, the bickering, the audience cheering executions or booing health-care? Of course Michelle Bachmann did scold Speaker Gingrich, telling him “I am a serious candidate” but by end of the two-hour debate, even she was giving him a handjob.

It has been a thrilling season, though. Who can forget Tim Pawlenty? Actually, everyone. Everyone can – and has – forgotten him. And then there’s Rick Perry, a proud Christian who is more worked up about gays openly serving in the military than Michelle Bachmann’s husband. The one I feel sorry for, though, is Rick Santorum, who, with 1% of the vote, is not going to quit until every person in the country has Googled his name. Or Herman Cain, who went from CEO of Godfather’s Pizza to bringing his own personal 9-9-9 plan to practically every woman in America. And lastly, there’s Mitt Romney, a pro-life yet anti-healthcare everyman, who as Governor of Massachusetts, accidentally passed socialized medicine. So, as Christmas nears, one is reminded of a recent New York Times/CBS News poll, where 66 percent of Iowa voters are still undecided: Will they order the whole spit-roasted pig or just vote Gingrich?