Rick Santorum True Conservative
Rick Santorum’s Super PAC has released a pro-Rick (‘prick’ for short) campaign ad that will be aired in Iowa next week, painting the presidential hopeful as a “true conservative.” The Super PAC that released the 30-second ad, Red White and Blue Fund, has put $200,000 up for Mr. Santorum. The hope is that this ad will give a much needed boost to the campaign. Mr. Santorum is in sixth place nationally (4%) according to the latest Gallop poll.
Four percent. That means Rick Santorum is only beating me by 4% among likely Republican primary voters and I’m a left-leaning atheist who hasn’t campaigned in Iowa in over 28 years. If the polling trends of this Republican presidential primary are any measure of future happenings, I believe I am owed an unvalidated surge in the polls for two weeks followed by an epic collapse of confidence. For that matter, so is Rick Santorum.
So what’s up with Rick? Where are his two weeks of front-runner glory? I mean, he’s got the conservative credentials: bad haircut, disdain for homosexuals, an unjustifiable fear/hate/pity for non-whites; he’s perfect!
I think the answer is this:
He’s weak.
At least that’s how I think he is perceived by a large swath of the Republican primary voters. On paper the guy is a conservative’s wet dream but when I look at Rick Santorum, I don’t see him clearing brush like George W. Bush. I can’t see him throwing that huge switch on the electric chair wearing a cowboy hat like Rick Perry.
If you don’t know what I mean, try this: Close your eyes and imagine Rick Santorum shirtless, pushing a mower across a yard with a beer in his hand. You can’t do it. It’s like asking someone to explain what the color blue looks like.
I imagine Rick Santorum in sweat pants on his couch watching Kissed by an Angel reruns on Lifetime while eating fat-free peach yogurt.
This vision is almost certainly inaccurate, but I think it’s how he is viewed among a group that–more than the general electorate– looks for almost cartoonish masculine qualities.
So instead of a 30-second ad with still photos of a suited Rick Santorum grinning like a real estate agent posing for his Century 21 head shot, Rick Santorum needs an ad where he is pouring concrete for a shed he’s building to keep hunting rifles, his Harley, and a mini fridge stocked with cold beer. Then he could say something like, “I’m tired of havin’ no place to go when the old lady kicks me out of the house for draggin’ mud through her living room so I’m buildin’ a man cave.” Then, he could smirk and roll his eyes in that, “Women. Can’t live with ‘em” kind of way. What a charmer! What a guy’s guy!
A mini fridge and a 30 rack of Bud is a small price to pay for primary glory.
Related articles
- Santorum Super PAC releases ad to tout his “true conservative” credentials (hotair.com)
- Rick Santorum Pleads With Iowans For Help (huffingtonpost.com)
- Santorum goes up with first paid ad (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
About Bill Dixon
