A source close to Mr. Trump has furnished Restoring Truthiness with a list of questions Mr. Trump has been working on (scribbling in crayon on the back of Zima-stained cocktail napkins) for the debate.
Question 11: Herman Cain, this question is for you. What’s goin’ on with these f*ckin’ broads? And listen, this isn’t a black thing but I would like to see your birth certificate.
Question 91: Ron Paul, let me ask you somethin’, where did you get that f*ckin’ suit? You look very poor and no offense to you but I find that disgusting. Ron, listen to me. Come to New York, I’ll take you to Barneys, we’ll find you something nice, then we’ll eat a couple beautiful rare steaks and for dessert, we’ll go up in my fabulous helicopter and throw urine filled balloons on those f*ckin’ deadbeats protesting on Wall Street. Also, are you a Pisces?
Question 33: Rick Perry, the things you say are generally very beautiful like poetry. You should start a LiveJournal blog of poems because they’re gonna’ be huge. Do you have a favorite poem? Also, what’s your favorite movie line? I like it in Jaws when he says, “We’re gonna’ need a bigger boat” because I like to say such things when I get on to nice cruise ships and they don’t know if I’m kidding. Do you love Richard Dreyfuss? Mr. Holland’s Opus – made The Donald cry. Great f*ckin’ film. Also, howdju fix this f*ckin’ economy? What About Bob was too f*ckin’ long but I like that Jewish girl – the daughter.
Last Question: Finally, there will be one more challenge. We will break the candidates into two teams. Each team will stand in lower Manhattan with a hot dog cart and sell as many wieners as possible. The team that sells the most hot dogs in 8 hours moves onto the Iowa Caucus. The team that loses will have a single chance to redeem themselves and can move onto the Iowa Caucus if they fist fight their own weight in feral cats and eat three pickled bull testicles. Are you gentlemen ready?
Bill Dixon is a comedy writer and Editor of the comedy blog www.Dangatorium.com
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