Fox New’s Megyn Kelly Is Wildly Irrational, Essentially

Bill Dixon | Restoring Truthiness

On Monday’s O’Reilly Factor, Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly took a few stiff smacks at the hornet’s nest of common sense when, while speaking about the students who were pepper sprayed during the UC Davis protest, Kelly claimed that pepper spray was “a food product, essentially.”

Naturally, those who reside on the Internets almost immediately picked up the inflammatory statement. The Twitter tag #fakeMegynKelly has become popular and an online petition has been circulating compelling Ms. Kelly to actually eat pepper spray.

RestoringTruthiness has sources who confirm that the sparkly blonde Fox News anchor has written a book entitled “Thoughtful Insights: Profound Realizations Regarding Life and the Universe.”

Through these fictional sources, RestoringTruthiness acquired the chapter listings for Megyn Kelly’s fake book:

Chapter 1- Sexual Assault: It’s Just Surprise Sex, Essentially.

Chapter 2– Kitty Litter Is Sand, Essentially. Why Else Would It Feel So Good to Bury My Feet in the Litter Box?

Chapter 3- Getting Shot in the Face with a Rubber Bullet While Peacefully Protesting: It’s a Free CAT Scan, Essentially

Chapter 4- People Say Fox News Is Right Wing Spin. Do You Know What Else Has Wings and Spins? American Jet Planes Piloted by Our Brave Servicemen, like George W. Bush! U-S-A, U-S-A!

Chapter 5 – My Name Is Spelled M-E-G-Y-N: Why People, After Talking to Me for a Short Time, Say “Yeah. That Spelling Makes Sense.” My Name Rocks, Essentially!

Chapter 6 – Water Boarding: It’s A Clearasil Commercial Where a Smiling 16-Year-Old Girl Rinses Her Face in Slow Motion, Essentially.

 

About Bill Dixon

Originally from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, Bill Dixon is a comedy writer and comedian residing in San Diego California. He is a humor columnist for PointsInCase.com and Editor and Founder of Dangatorium.com.