Herman Cain: The Beatles of Bullshit

Bill Dixon | Restoring Truthiness

Herman Cain Tongue Tied

In an Interview Monday with the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel editorial board, Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain was asked a question regarding Libya and instead of answering the question, he decided he would word-vomit all over the nice mahogany conference table.

Since the actual transcripts and video are available ubiquitously, I have opted to translate the video as I heard it.

Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel: So you agreed with President Obama on Libya or not?

Cain: I don’t know what the word “Libya” means. However, it sounds important. I’ve ascertained that much by your demeanor and tone. Let me tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to shuffle around in this chair and do that thing where I roll my eyes and make them flutter.

Let me make it simple. Every time you see my eyeballs flutter, let it be understood that this phenomenon is essentially the human equivalent of ‘buffering’. It means I have little confidence in what I am saying, and since I’m unwilling to say “I need to work on foreign policy, big time,” I need this eye flutter time to load up some passionate bullshit that makes little sense but at least sounds nice…sort of like The Beatles. Yes, consider me The Beatles of bullshit.  Listen, we all tap our penny loafers to “I Am The Walrus,” but I’ll bet you a buffalo nickel you don’t know what the hell that song is about. Hell I don’t either, but this is America, damn it!  If a few long hairs want to hop on Ed Sullivan and sing the panties off of some 18-year-old floozy from Topeka, Kansas, well that’s his God given right!

MJS: I…I guess. I don’t remember the question

Cain: See what I did there? You can call me Sgt. Pepper.


About Bill Dixon

Originally from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, Bill Dixon is a comedy writer and comedian residing in San Diego California. He is a humor columnist for PointsInCase.com and Editor and Founder of Dangatorium.com.