Bachmann Meets Occupy Wall Street’s Human Microphone and She Don’t Like No Feedback

michele bachmann meets occupy wall street bachmann protestor confrontationDeborah Brancheau | Restoring Truthiness
While giving a speech on a campaign stop in South Carolina last Thursday, presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann clashed with the voices that had been haunting her dreams for two months: The Occupy Wall Street human microphone.

During Ms. Bachmann’s lecture on foreign policy, about ten Occupy Wall Street protestors stood and began a prepared statement, saying, “This will only take a minute. We have a message for Mrs. Bachmann. You capitalize on dividing Americans. Claiming people that disagree with you are unpatriotic socialists. And you promote discrimination. This does not help the American people.”

Republican Michele Bachmann responded by giving her patent-pending facial expression, characterized by giant, wet, fearful eyeballs and marionette-puppet-like facial features. The sort of face you would assume one might make if they were skydiving and yanking at the cord to deploy the parachute and nothing was happening. Then, she was ushered off the stage by police only to return a short time later after the protestors had dispersed.

Mrs. Bachmann finished the afternoon with a brief statement that many believe to be one more example of her revisionist account of American history:

Don’t you just love the first amendment? (Applause break) Well, what these kids don’t realize is how many great patriots died to protect their freedom to protest. This is just disrespectful and unpatriotic. (Wild applause break) My grandfather did not fight the Klingons in the Revolutionary War so that these people could be disrespectful (Confused glances and spattered applause)My father stormed the beaches of Normandy on a stegosaurus mounted with laser cannons and bested Saddam Hussein, DarthVader, and Noam Chomsky in a 22-hour game of Mah-Jong. He singlehandedly destroyed the Death Star and invented the Dewey Decimal System. These kids should probably take some patriot lessons from my father because he was the real hero. (Confused silence) So if Chewbacca and the Jedi High Council think this election is going to be a breeze then they better start packing their bags for a long vacation in Cloud City! (Spattered applause)

My name is Michele Bachmann and I am running for President of The United Mileage Plus Club! Thank you, live long and prosper, and of course, may the force be with you! Good Night, and good luck!” (Silence.)

About Bill Dixon

Originally from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, Bill Dixon is a comedy writer and comedian residing in San Diego California. He is a humor columnist for and Editor and Founder of