Occupy Wall Street & The Tea Party: Eating The Same Bad Skittles

When someone offers Skittles, eight is really the ideal serving size. Less than that and you sort of feel cheated by the Corn Syrup Gods. However, this can be remedied by maintaining eye contact with the not-so-generous Skittle bag bearer, refusing to withdrawal your outstretched hand and solemnly declaring in a hushed tone, “Dude, I was the best man at your wedding.”  This will get the bag tilted in your favor.

But there is a far worse fate than being dealt a light Skittle hand. The Nightmare Scenario: The bag bearer tilts the bag and out pours a seemingly endless cascade of yellow and green Skittles, the absolute worst flavors, which combined taste the way Windex smells. Ostensibly impossible, but on occasion, the Corn Syrup Gods conspire and you are left with a snack you wouldn’t feed your dog.


Last week, in my old stomping grounds of Chicago, the Occupy Chicago protestors that had gathered had thousands of photocopied McDonald’s applications rain down on them from the windows of the Chicago Board of Trade Building.

This is difficult for me to reconcile because I am torn. It’s inspiring to see my generation take their grievances to the street, flexing their First Amendment muscle, and doing what they believe is honorable and right. However, as a comedian, I can’t help but think it’s a little funny. Not hysterical, but funny in a tasteless and embarrassing, dad-after-a-couple-sangrias-at-Olive-Garden sort of way.

This incident made me think of the Skittles.

Occupy Wall Street and The Tea Party. They have something in common. The middle class has been given a giant handful of yellow and greens. The government and corporations are holding the bag, and let’s have no illusions that these are interchangeable. The powerful in this country have been dumping the shit Skittles into our hands for the past 30 years.

They tilt the bag and say, “Jeez, that sucks. Better luck next time. Just the luck of the bag.” That was okay for awhile, but as we line up, day in and day out, still getting the same Skittles, eventually we start to ask questions.

I see these protestors and I understand their frustration. The truth is that these assholes dumping McDonald’s applications took all the reds, greens, orange and purples out a long time ago. The bag is rigged.

But someday soon, the folks from the Tea Party and the folks from OWS are going to finally unclench the fists they have pointed at each other for so long. They’ll glance into the lime green stained palms of their nemesis and come to a shocking realization. “Wait wait wait, let me see your palms…they gave you green and yellow too!?!”


About Bill Dixon

Originally from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, Bill Dixon is a comedy writer and comedian residing in San Diego California. He is a humor columnist for PointsInCase.com and Editor and Founder of Dangatorium.com.