Newt Gingrich: GOP’s True Nomination

Newt Gingrich AKA The Newt

In a rare show of tenacity, but common show of obliviousness, Newt Gingrich continues his campaign for the GOP nomination. You have to admire it, if you know the secret logic behind it; he’s really the GOP’s predetermined candidate.

Sure, you may question it. I know I did, but a night with my buddy Jack Daniels and the debate between The Newt and Godfather Cain on TV revealed it all.  The man has the most important quality to be president: unawareness of polls and public opinion.

Yes, the man knows what he’s doing, despite what you may think. He shot himself in the foot not that long ago and continues to limp to the finish line, but he’s doing it in the style that speaks volumes of his capability. It doesn’t matter that every one of his rallies is interrupted by someone shouting at him to quit, they’re just Perry junkies trying to stir the pot. It doesn’t matter that his own party has relegated him to the fourth string, to be used only in the case of a complete nuclear disaster that wipes out all other GOP candidates. He continues on, holding firm to the knowledge that Iran will indeed lock him into position with their nuke program, paving/melting the way to the glowing White House for him.

Gingrich definitely has the tenacity, and as long as he keeps away from microphones, he seems like a great choice. For a party that stubbornly refuses to give an inch, he defines refuse. Even the media has been let in on the secret. Clearly favoring him, most debates now don’t even include him, knowing he’s best viewed silently and preferably at a distance. They don’t want to risk the secret getting out.

But it will, now that I’ve revealed it anyway. Nothing can stop the Newt. Low poll numbers, disrespect from his own party, and even pill scandals haven’t brought him down. The only real question about his victory is who he’ll name as his running mate.