Is Global Warming Caused by Squirrels?

Jon Stewart Climategate - Is Global Warming Caused by Squirrels

Let’s hope so otherwise the global warming issue will be forever forgotten by the news media in favor more pressing stories like the re-emergence of the highly illusive McRib sandwich. It only comes out of hiding once a year and sightings are rare, so went it does, it is expected that the Cronkite-esque reporters at CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, et al. would be all over it.

However, if global warming is caused by squirrels then maybe the planet might get a little love and attention from the watch dogs that are supposed to be our eyes and ears regarding what’s happening in the world.

As Jon Stewart has so aptly pointed out time and again, our news media is like the dog from the movie Up who is constantly distracted by any squirrel that crosses his path. Important issues take a back seat to what news is trendy at the moment. Case in point, the recent DEBUNKING OF CLIMATEGATE!


Climategate was such a serious saga that it caused a massive shift in public perception regarding the fact that the earth is warming. In 2006, 79% of Americans believed the earth was warming compared to only 59% today.

Well, lucky for Earth, the oil industry – AKA the Koch Brothers – had its back and decided to drill to the bottom of this issue once and for all. They “hired” Richard Muller, a professor of physics at the University of California, Berkeley, and the author of “Physics for Future Presidents”.

There is just too much irony in that last paragraph to even bother.

Nevertheless, this scientist stuck with the science and guess what he found? Come on, take a guess, really.

Yep! You guessed it! “Global warming is real,” wrote Muller.

Holy sh!t, Sherlock! You mean all those decades of research by thousands of scientists that went through multiple stages of peer review and that have been documented over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again for the whole world to see wasn’t a massive conspiracy because of a few stupid emails? Wow! Good work.

Stewart noted. “Climategate was a huge news story,” he said. “I bet debunking Climategate is going to be huger!”

Nope! The McRib has made its yearly appearance! Get the camera!

As Stewart noted, the debunking of Climategate got a total of 24 seconds of cable news coverage on CNN. So congratulations CNN for taking your eye off the McBall!

Muller ended his article with “Perhaps our results will help cool this portion of the climate debate. How much of the warming is due to humans and what will be the likely effects? We made no independent assessment of that.”

If global warming is caused by squirrels, then maybe Earth can make a comeback with more than 24 seconds on second rate cable news networks and not have to take a back seat to an artery-clogging, acid-refux-inducing, porcine-impostering slab of rib-stamped wannabe meat.