The super sexy Chris Christie, the Angelina Jolie of the Republican presidential race for the past couple weeks, the Marilyn Monroe of the GOP has officially pulled out of the race. Okay, he was never in the race; he just teased all of us with statements like, “No, I am sooo not going to run, really, I’m not. Who me? Awe shucks. No really, I’m not running. These legs? Too precious to risk injury in a presidential race. These buttocks? Please! That’s my onion, baby! So seriously, I am NOT running!!! And by that I mean, ‘Maybe. Talk to my staff.’”
Well, this time he’s seriously serious and we know this because he said so at a press conference devoted solely to this announcement! Christie said:
For months I had been adamant about the fact that I would not run for president. My language was clear and direct no matter how many times I was asked the question. For me the answer was never anything but “no.” … It wasn’t until recently that I paused to reflect on my decision. … Over the last few weeks I’ve thought long and hard about this decision. … Now is not my time.
And when asked by a reporter how we know that this time Christie means what he says, Christie responded, “Because I said, ‘No!’”
Oooooh! “No” means “no.” Wow! I thought… Well, who cares what I thought… I now know that “no” means “no”; unless, of course, it means “maybe”; or, in some cases, “yes.”
But, of course, the Riddler, Wolf Blitzer, understood this conundrum all along saying, “I don’t think any of us were surprised.”
- Week In News: Chris Christie For President? Still No (npr.org)
- Herman Cain: Chris Christie Is Too Liberal For Conservatives In 2012 (huffingtonpost.com)