Plan 9 For ISIS Space


My friends, there’s nothing more American than High School, where anything is possible. My friends, you might be the quarterback and find your cheerleader sweetheart and go on to live an idyllic life. Or, you might take the school mattress, er, I mean mascot, to the prom because … YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LEAVE THIS HELL HOLE WITH UNFINISHED BUSINESS. (excuse me). But whether you loved or hated high school, there is no high school in America so awful that you can’t wait to graduate so you can go fight with ISIS. Do you hear me, American students that want to join ISIS – you cannot blame that on us, you cannot blame that on high school. Sorry, you must own that.

There’s a rule in movie making, no double mumbo jumbo. For example, you can’t be an alien, then get bit by a zombie and now you’re an alien zombie. Which brings me to the point. Dear ISIS you cannot be both a defender of the faith and a child rapist.

So here’s the plot, you may have heard that we have a lot of armed bikers in jail right now, because an armed society is a polite society, until something happens, then, it’s not really a society any more so let’s move on. These bikers need some way to earn back their freedom, and what better way than take care of child rapists? We’re sending over the Hells Angels armed with crazy guns and bazookas and they are going to wipe you off the face of the earth. They’ll be like the A-Team from, well, from hell. You can imagine that you’re being attacked by jinn, and, wait for it, we’ll have film crews and those new 3D drones that James Cameron is making. And.. Quentin Tarantino! Now that’s a summer blockbuster.

Sources:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/denver-girls-skipped-school-alleged-attempt-join-isis-article-1.1982931

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/oct/27/boko-haram-forced-marriage-rape-torture-abuse-hrw-report