CISPA’s Trust Fall: Trust Them, There’s No Catch

CISPA’s Trust Fall Trust Them, There’s No CatchThe government is here for you. They are asking for your trust regarding the sharing of your personal cyber information. You know, they want you to stand in front of them, cross your arms, close your eyes, and fall backwards. They will totally catch you.

Okay, maybe they’re not “asking” but rather “forcing” you to comply with their new Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act (CISPA). So in essence they are asking you to stand in front of them, cross your arms, close your eyes and fall backwards while they argue over who’s going to mop up your remains after you hit the floor. How could you not be for this?

Why wouldn’t you trust the same politicians that find fracking fluid to be a wonderful after dinner drink? Or that find gathering at a former slave plantation to discuss their minority outreach efforts to be completely reasonable. Or that find Mother Nature only destroys communities that aren’t, you know, theirs.

They are soooo smart and, therefore, they would make for great protectors of our privacy rights! Come now, all they want to do is “investigate cyber threats and ensure the security of networks against cyberattack”. What could go wrong?

All Congressman Mike Rogers (R-MI) proposes is a bill that “contains too few limits on how and when the government may monitor a private individual’s Internet browsing information”. That sounds fantastic, right?

And the House Select Committee on Intelligence just wants a legal framework to create “new powers [that] could be used to spy on the general public rather than to pursue malicious hackers”. No biggie.

The bill explicitly states that it is designed “To provide for the sharing of certain cyber threat intelligence and cyber threat information between the intelligence community and cybersecurity entities, and for other purposes.”

Yeah, for other purposes. Like… um… maybe… oh, I don’t know… “other purposes”. Yeah whatever, right? Who cares if they don’t explicitly define what “other purposes” mean? ‘Cause, you know, they’re only going to use this info for like… um… maybe… oh, I don’t know… “other purposes”. [Competitive Enterprise Institute]

And really, why would over eight hundred private companies including Verizon, Google and Facebook (who are known for their stances on privacy) support such a bill? It’s obvious they trust their politicians. Why shouldn’t we?

Gosh, maybe I’ve drunk way too much fracking fluid, but this CISPA bill sounds like a winner.

NOTE: Are you wondering what a trust fall is? Check out this video:

Video: Top 8 trust falls turned epic fall fails

 

About Deborah Brancheau

Deborah Brancheau is the Managing Editor of RestoringTruthiness.org, a political comedy website inspired by the political satire of Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Deborah's background is a smörgåsbord of experience. With a bachelor’s degrees in Anthropology and Theatre and a Minor in Cinema/Television, and a Master's Degree in Communication from the University of Southern California, Deborah took her heavily student-loan-funded education and became a sports-writing, high-school-teaching, graphic-designing, university-professing, broke-bum bastard. When that didn't work out too well, she refunneled her expertise into this new venture, RestoringTruthiness.org.