Republicans Implement Plan To Suppress Women Voters

Bill Dixon | Restoring Truthiness
With female support for Republicans waning, the GOP is pledging to enforce tougher voting regulations for women this election season.

“They already set up these roadblocks to keep African Americans and Latinos from turning out to vote in states like South Carolina, Florida and Ohio,” laments Democratic strategist Karen Watts. “That human strap-on dildo, Todd Akin, has kicked this bees nest and women are — to fucking nobody’s surprise –turning away from this party. What’s more, the GOP is now circumventing The Voting Rights Act and suppressing women voters by setting in place this impossible Voting Qualifications test in order to keep women from having a voice in the presidential election.”

“There is nothing impossible about the test,” claims North Carolina Lawmaker Ken Region. “There are just a few simple questions that shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes and then, they will be eligible to vote. This test isn’t difficult; a 3rd grader could answer most of these questions. And moreover, despite claims from the reactionary left, this is not directed — I repeat, not directed — at suppressing women voters in any way, shape or form.”

Below are a few questions from the GOP’s proposed Voting Qualification Test:

1. How many RPMs should a Formula 1 car idle at?

2. The 2003 National Championship for college football was shared between the USC Trojans and which team from the SEC?

3. If you were pouring concrete and you had a pad that was 12 feet long, 20 feet wide and 7 inches thick, how many cubic yards of concrete would you need?

4. What day of the week does Maxim Magazine generally arrive in the mail?

5. What is the most commonly used color for urinal cakes?

Watts added, “Instead of spending the election season trying to disenfranchise minorities and women, I don’t understand why Republicans don’t try to bridge some of these gaps in their own rhetoric and bring back some of these people they have lost. They seem to be all for freedom of speech as long as that speech doesn’t include voting rights of black people and Mexicans. They are all for keeping the government’s hands off their guns but not concerned about those same hands knuckles deep in our vaginas. There is a dissonance in that party and they should be trying to right it instead of figuring out how to get around it.”

The response from Ken Region,”Knuckles deep? Jesus.”


About Bill Dixon

Originally from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, Bill Dixon is a comedy writer and comedian residing in San Diego California. He is a humor columnist for and Editor and Founder of