In Defense of Todd Akin

Rep. Todd Akin Talking About Abortion

[/media-credit] Rep. Todd Akin making the case against women.

As you all know I am a staunch supporter of a Right to Life: a program giving free Quaker cereal to those in need. But I am also anti-abortion.

And this Sunday Republican Representative and part-time scarecrow Todd Akin was unfairly attacked by the pro-woman lobby when he defended his stance that abortion should be illegal in cases of rape:

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare…”

That’s right. Pregnancy from rape is rare. There’s no point in sympathizing with victims of something rare. This is why when my cousin contracted a rare flesh eating virus I refused to drive him to the hospital. If you wanted help you should have been the victim of something more common; like the flu or being the CEO of a bank.

In fact pregnancy from rape is so rare that the American Journal of Obstetricians and Gynecologists found:

“Rape-related pregnancy occurs with significant frequency” and is “a cause of many unwanted pregnancies” — an estimated “32,101 pregnancies result from rape each year.”

But that wasn’t all Rep. Akin had to say about this issue. He went on to argue:

“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Yes. The body can shut the whole thing down in cases of legitimate rape. If the woman’s rapist is registered then he will know to present his certificate of rape beforehand allowing the victim enough time to reach in the small of her back to press that red button that shuts down her reproductive system. It’s as simple than that.

Now even in cases when a rape is legitimate sometimes problems beyond our control occur. And Akin accounted for that when he said:

“Let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work, or something, I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”

Punishment needs to be delivered to the rapist! And everyone knows there’s nothing a rapist hates more than having his victim forced to see an unwanted pregnancy to term. I can just see rapists sitting in their basement apartments suffering with the knowledge that they have to think about their victim being pregnant for nine months, going through morning sickness, birthing pains, doctor’s bills, and mood swings, all culminating in a painful birth. Think about how terrible that must be for the rapist.

Now there was an outcry from rape-victim sympathizers over the weekend forcing Rep. Akin to back down from his stance and say he, ‘misspoke’. Well I’m here to say Rep. Akin. I support you. I as well as the rest of America know you meant exactly what you said and think you should continue expressing these views as openly as possible. The fate of your upcoming election depends on it!