Trimming the Fat

Russell Bernice

Photo by Russell Bernice

Are you sick of choices?  Are too many options starting to get you down?  Do you find yourself staring at menus in disbelief for hours on end because you just can’t make up your mind?  If this sounds like you, then you are in luck.  The great city of New York and its wonder-Mayor Michael Rubens Bloomberg are the answer to your problem.

We all know how frustrating it can be to have to make decisions.  The time wasted pouring over the pros and cons of each option.  A man in Kentucky died of starvation at a local restaurant because their menu was so large (so I’ve heard).  With today’s fast-paced lifestyles, no more apparent than in New York, people are trying to simplify their lives.  Trim-the-fat if you will.  And in New York, Mayor Bloomberg is going to help you streamline your life, whether you like it or not.

The well-meaning Mayor recently informed the public that he would be helping them by making their beverage decisions a little more efficient.  How you may ask?  By limiting the sizes you can order.  No longer will you have to spend hours deciding between Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, or Cherry Coke only to be slapped in the face by the fast-food employee asking, “What size?”  Oh God, the humanity!

But no longer will you have to waste your entire day pondering the advantages and disadvantages of Super Sizing in Mayor Bloomberg’s utopian society.  The choices are made for you.  You will have a small and that is final.

Thank you Mayor Bloomberg for finally freeing New Yorkers from that pesky freedom of choice thing the founding fathers saddled them with all those years ago.

Hopefully this doctrine grows in momentum because Americans are still wasting far too much time choosing what to wear, what car to drive, where to live, what school to go to… All this freedom is getting annoying.