A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Roger Ailes went to a cantin- I mean “a bar”. And in that “bar” he met Hans So- I mean, Jon Stewart. The two beer-bonded and in that moment of alcohonesty, Stewart confessed to Ailes that, yes Virginia, he is basically a socialist.
According to Ailes who was speaking at Ohio University, Stewart “basically has admitted to me, in a bar, that he’s a socialist.”
Ailes also said that the “one thing that qualifies me to run a journalism organization is the fact that I don’t have a journalism degree.”
So in the spirit of Ailes’ journologic, let me tell you my Jon Stewart bar story for which you, the general public, have no way of verifying:
I met Jon Stewart in a bar once and he told me that he was a member of the Jedi Council. He then explained that there was a light side and a dark side and that I must choose. After swiftly pulling the cloak over his head to obscure his face, he said, “I am Obi-Wan Stewnobi. I will guide you on this journey. I will teach you the ways of the Force. But you must choose your destiny.”
Needless to say, I chose the light side but I haven’t figure out the “Force” thing yet. I now have a cat to unhook from the Wainscoting in the den. In trying to “grab” the remote, I guess I accidentally launched Precious into the paneling. Oops.
Jon also told me that he once met Roger Ailes in a bar and told him the same story about the light and dark side thing and Obi-Wan Stewnobi and Roger chose the dark side. So there you have it. Roger Ailes is evil because Jon Stewart told me so in a bar once which, of course, none of you can ever verify.
So there, Roger Ailes. I soooo beat you on the awesome Jon Stewart bar story. And it happened. Yes, it did. Prove it didn’t if you don’t believe me.