Jabba the Hut Impersonator Roger Ailes: Jon Stewart Told Me He’s a Socialist

Roger Ailes - Jon Stewart Told Me He's a SocialistA long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Roger Ailes went to a cantin- I mean “a bar”. And in that “bar” he met Hans So- I mean, Jon Stewart. The two beer-bonded and in that moment of alcohonesty, Stewart confessed to Ailes that, yes Virginia, he is basically a socialist.

According to Ailes who was speaking at Ohio University, Stewart “basically has admitted to me, in a bar, that he’s a socialist.”

Ailes also said that the “one thing that qualifies me to run a journalism organization is the fact that I don’t have a journalism degree.”

So in the spirit of Ailes’ journologic, let me tell you my Jon Stewart bar story for which you, the general public, have no way of verifying:

I met Jon Stewart in a bar once and he told me that he was a member of the Jedi Council. He then explained that there was a light side and a dark side and that I must choose. After swiftly pulling the cloak over his head to obscure his face, he said, “I am Obi-Wan Stewnobi. I will guide you on this journey. I will teach you the ways of the Force. But you must choose your destiny.”

Needless to say, I chose the light side but I haven’t figure out the “Force” thing yet. I now have a cat to unhook from the Wainscoting in the den. In trying to “grab” the remote, I guess I accidentally launched Precious into the paneling. Oops.

Jon also told me that he once met Roger Ailes in a bar and told him the same story about the light and dark side thing and Obi-Wan Stewnobi and Roger chose the dark side. So there you have it. Roger Ailes is evil because Jon Stewart told me so in a bar once which, of course, none of you can ever verify.

So there, Roger Ailes. I soooo beat you on the awesome Jon Stewart bar story. And it happened. Yes, it did. Prove it didn’t if you don’t believe me.

 

About Deborah Brancheau

Deborah Brancheau is the Managing Editor of RestoringTruthiness.org, a political comedy website inspired by the political satire of Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Deborah's background is a smörgåsbord of experience. With a bachelor’s degrees in Anthropology and Theatre and a Minor in Cinema/Television, and a Master's Degree in Communication from the University of Southern California, Deborah took her heavily student-loan-funded education and became a sports-writing, high-school-teaching, graphic-designing, university-professing, broke-bum bastard. When that didn't work out too well, she refunneled her expertise into this new venture, RestoringTruthiness.org.