John Derbyshire’s “Non-Black Talk” = Racist Event of the Century

John Derbyshire’s Non-Black Talk - Racist Event of the CenturyCredit: John Derbyshire
Chris Rock lit up the internets on Thursday with the “Non-Black Talk”: Chris’s take on “The Talk” white people have with their kids about living and dealing with existing in a world with scary black people. It’s is a hilarious list of ironic situations and descriptions of awkward moments that many a white folk have experienced. Heh! We can all laugh at lines like:

(10) Thus, while always attentive to the particular qualities of individuals, on the many occasions where you have nothing to guide you but knowledge of those mean differences, use statistical common sense:

(10a) Avoid concentrations of blacks not all known to you personally.

(10b) Stay out of heavily black neighborhoods.

(10c) If planning a trip to a beach or amusement park at some date, find out whether it is likely to be swamped with blacks on that date (neglect of that one got me the closest I have ever gotten to death by gunshot).

(10d) Do not attend events likely to draw a lot of blacks.

(10e) If you are at some public event at which the number of blacks suddenly swells, leave as quickly as possible.

(10f) Do not settle in a district or municipality run by black politicians.

(10g) Before voting for a black politician, scrutinize his/her character much more carefully than you would a white.

(10h) Do not act the Good Samaritan to blacks in apparent distress, e.g., on the highway.

(10i) If accosted by a strange black in the street, smile and say something polite but keep moving.

HA, HA, HA!…Ha … ha… That’s funny ‘cause some people feel that way. Okay, great, tip your waitress.

What? That’s not Chris Rock? That’s from John Derbyshire new article “The Talk: Nonblack Version” (AKA the Non-Black Talk ) in Taki’s Magazine? And there’s more?

(1) Among your fellow citizens are forty million who identify as black, and whom I shall refer to as black. The cumbersome (and MLK-noncompliant) term “African-American” seems to be in decline, thank goodness. “Colored” and “Negro” are archaisms. What you must call “the ‘N’ word” is used freely among blacks but is taboo to nonblacks.

Yes, definitely not Chris Rock. He would never say “the ‘N’ word”! He would just say the n-word. Something’s up here. Apparently, black people have been souped up with a bit of additives brewed into their genome.

(2) American blacks are descended from West African populations, with some white and aboriginal-American admixture. The overall average of non-African admixture is 20-25 percent. The admixture distribution is nonlinear, though: “It seems that around 10 percent of the African American population is more than half European in ancestry.” (Same link.)

(3) Your own ancestry is mixed north-European and northeast-Asian, but blacks will take you to be white.

Damn you, black people! Why do you call us such harsh names like “white”?! When I was growing up my favorite story book princess was Snow European! Damn it! Call me European!

(4) The default principle in everyday personal encounters is, that as a fellow citizen, with the same rights and obligations as yourself, any individual black is entitled to the same courtesies you would extend to a nonblack citizen. That is basic good manners and good citizenship. In some unusual circumstances, however—e.g., paragraph (10h) below—this default principle should be overridden by considerations of personal safety.

In case you forgot, paragraph 10h told us white kids, “Do not act the Good Samaritan to blacks in apparent distress, e.g., on the highway.” Because, you know, that’s when those hoodie-wearing-Skittle-totting-suspicious-looking-West-African-some-white-aboriginal-American admixtures will likely car jack you.

While I really wanted to believe this was some kind of Chris Rock inspired joke, the links throughout the post where to sites that Derbyshire seems to be using to defend his racist attitudes. And I feel confident in calling them “his racist attitudes” until he steps up and explains himself on this one. But even then, I have to say, I am going to be hard press to believe this was a joke of any kind.

And just so you know, as a white north-European-northeast-Asian girl from Cali, I never had that talk. I feel so deprived. I could have died!

About Deborah Brancheau

Deborah Brancheau is the Managing Editor of RestoringTruthiness.org, a political comedy website inspired by the political satire of Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Deborah's background is a smörgåsbord of experience. With a bachelor’s degrees in Anthropology and Theatre and a Minor in Cinema/Television, and a Master's Degree in Communication from the University of Southern California, Deborah took her heavily student-loan-funded education and became a sports-writing, high-school-teaching, graphic-designing, university-professing, broke-bum bastard. When that didn't work out too well, she refunneled her expertise into this new venture, RestoringTruthiness.org.