Rick Santorum: Friends Don’t Let Friends Use Pink Balls

Rick Santorum - Friends Don't Let Friends Use Pink BallsMashup - Deborah Brancheau
Rick Santorum is terrified of pink bowling balls particularly in the hands of young boys especially when they might be caught on camera during a photo opt with the Republican presidential candidate. During a campaign stop at a Wisconsin bowling alley, Santorum bravely saved a young man who dared to grab one of the wicked womanly orbs.

“You’re not going to use the pink ball,” said Santorum. “We’re not gonna let you do that. Not on camera.”

Yes, a young man caressing a shiny pink ball, bringing said ball up to the lips, then with one large hand motion, sliding the pink ball down an alley at 10 white phallic symbols. God! Nobody should do that on camera!

This is a case for the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse.

It seems that the color of the ball is irrelevant. Yet, for some reason, Santorum is petrified of pink balls. Must be hard finding comfortable underwear. (Drum roll!)

Santorum quipped, “Friends don’t let friends use pink balls.” He apparently means that in the “bowling alley sense” and the “bedroom sense.” It’s his form of abstinence training for teens and young adults. (Thank you, please tip your waitress!)

About Deborah Brancheau

Deborah Brancheau is the Managing Editor of RestoringTruthiness.org, a political comedy website inspired by the political satire of Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Deborah's background is a smörgåsbord of experience. With a bachelor’s degrees in Anthropology and Theatre and a Minor in Cinema/Television, and a Master's Degree in Communication from the University of Southern California, Deborah took her heavily student-loan-funded education and became a sports-writing, high-school-teaching, graphic-designing, university-professing, broke-bum bastard. When that didn't work out too well, she refunneled her expertise into this new venture, RestoringTruthiness.org.