Morning in America: Why, if you’re going to really screw something up, you have to get the government involved.

Some Guy in Virginia | Restoring Truthiness
I’ve always thought Sundays sucked. At their best they felt like a day you called in sick to work because you could not find a reason to give a single f#ck that day and, once you got back from the game or the park or rolled off the couch, there was still work tomorrow. Sunday’s are like having a golden retriever waking you up by pressing a cold nose in your cheek, needing a walk and with a to-do list in its mouth. A sweet and sad day, a Peanuts kind of day.

So Sunday’s already got some baggage, but this Sunday the government introduces fake time, “Daylight Savings Time”, has the kind of baggage you take with you into a second marriage. It’s Suckapalooza, the day Lucy doesn’t snatch the football at the last second, just punches Charley Brown in the ‘nads instead. On that day not only is Sunday Monday’s departure lounge, but Uncle Sugar just announced that your flight has been rescheduled to leave from a different terminal and you’re going to have to go back through security. “Spring Forward Sunday” is Uncle Sugar’s punch to the ‘nads or whatever’s on you that hurts when punched.

Ben Franklin came up with the idea of daylight savings time so that farmers could have a little more daylight to get things done. Of course, the entire industrial revolution has reduced the time modern man spends working the land to growing pot in the spare closet and shopping for organic produce at a boutique grocery store.

Now most of the country is stuck with it because it saves energy. Arizona opted out and then realized the best way to get John McCain out of their hair was to send him to Washington. Arizona bears some scrutiny. Bush II, the amiable idiot, decided to make daylight savings the backbone of his energy plan and extending it far beyond its traditional time frame, distinguishing him from his dad, Bush I, who would have just told America to turn the lights out when they left a room. The typical dad ending to that question, “do you think we’re made of money?!” being left unspoken because apparently everyone in Congress does indeed think the US people are.

Fight the power, people. Demand the government at least keep time real.