Mitt Romney, Political Cyborg

Mitt Romney, Political CyborgThere’s something about Mitt Romney that just doesn’t connect with voters. New polling shows that the closer he gets to the actual Republican nomination, the further he gets from beating President Obama in a general election. He has been described as plastic, polished and robotic. It’s almost as if people see him as a cyborg created solely for the purpose of running for president. Which begs the question, is Mitt Romney a cyborg created solely for the purpose of running for president?

There are a few interesting nuggets of information from Mitt’s early years to support this theory. He was born in Detroit to a devout Mormon, automotive executive father with political aspirations. So there you have motive- create the perfect politician so there is a Mormon president, and means- access to the necessary materials to create a robotic son. There is also the unexplained six-year gap between Mitt and his older brother. Seems like just the right amount of time to perfect the technology needed to build a human being, doesn’t it?

Time spent away at private schools, doing missionary work abroad and attending BYU (a place where nobody outside of the school ever knows what is going on inside), all could have made it very easy to disappear unnoticed for long stretches of time for age modifications and software updates.

After college Mitt cruised through the “Needed Presidential Background List”. Complete Grad school at Harvard, check. Succeed in the private sector, check. Successfully campaign for a lower office, check. All of this, lets call it evidence, could allow someone, let’s say me for instance, to completely believe that Mitt Romney is a political cyborg.

Going off of this assertion, one would think that Romney should have no problem winning his party’s nomination. However, issues arise as his 2012 Republican Primary software faces questions posed by the other candidates and the news media about the outdated versions of Mitt. You can almost see the gears grinding and the algorithms not computing properly as he stammers and awkwardly smiles when asked about his tax returns and his near universal Healthcare legislation in Massachusetts.

During his time running Bain Capital, Romneybot was programmed to leach onto companies, slice them up and sell them off without care or compassion to accumulate the needed wealth to run for office. So when asked about it now, he looks genuinely confused as to why that might be an issue with people. Or when he says things like how he makes, “not very much” for speaking fees. Well, over $300,000 dollars in a year is “not very much” for a robot mind calibrated to make billions of dollars.

The biggest glitch happened after what I assume was his most recent upgrade following the South Carolina primary. Programmed to attack more and to be more sympathetic to middle class voters, Romneybot stated that he didn’t care about the very poor or the very rich. You see, in a cyborg’s mind that makes perfect sense. If he’s supposed to express that he cares about the middle class, then inversely he must not care as much about those lower and higher. But it isn’t human logic, and when Soledad O’Brien questioned him about it, Romneybot could only muster this monotonal sympathy, “There’s no question, it’s not good being poor…” But don’t worry; I’m sure there are a group of software engineers working on it right now. Mitt 7.0: Empathy.