Obama Unveils Strategy for Women’s Vote

President Barack Obama Unveils Strategy for Women's VoteCNN
In the 2008 campaign, then candidate Obama was polling well among women but looked to shore up support among men. His strategy was to play basketball with U.S. forces, sinking nothing-but-net three pointers to the collective “Damn!” of the male television audience. The strategy was a success, however, in this election Obama needs to shore up support among all independents, even women.

At a recent fund raising event in Harlem’s Apollo theater, President Obama hit just one line of the refrain in, as it were, the church of the Reverend Al Green.  The words he sung, “I’m so in love with you” are part of the larger chorus of “Let’s stay together … loving you whether times are good, or bad, or happy or sad.” The lyrics are telling, even apropos, considering the state of the economy.

It was, however, the delivery — an irresistible and sensuous falsetto that, like the three pointers, hit their target with a swish.  If students fainted in the heat of summer rallies to catch a moment of hope in the 2008 campaign, women will faint in 2012 to hear Obama pine for four more years, good or bad. Later in the week, on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Michelle Obama said about her husband, “he sings to me all the time.”

It was reported by an unnamed source at the Romney campaign that when the video first aired, the silence was broken by a collective, “We’re completely [expletive deleted].” The source went on to elaborate that “even with an update to the MR2012 firmware [the software the controls Mitt Romney], and perhaps a Donny and Marie style duet, we’ll never best Al Green. Our only hope would be if Mitt could somehow muster up Barry White — but we all know how it went when he tried a line from Baha Men. I mean, we’re Mormons, we know what women want. It was a Mormon who wrote the Twilight series that’s got your teenager taking anti-depressants over a vampire.”

A spokesman for the Gingrich campaign responded by saying that, “diamonds are a girl’s best friend and no candidate’s wife has more of them than Callista.”

Note: The Gingrich campaign declined to forward a singing sample.