Gingrich Proposes “Defense of Open Marriage Act”

Newt Gingrich - Fox News Analysts are IdiotsGage Skidmore
Former House Speaker and current Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has been courting the party’s “religious right” sector with his opposition to gay marriage and his stand in favor of the Defense of Marriage Act (DoMA), which would legally define “marriage” as a “union of one man and one woman”. In a recent prayer breakfast after the Florida Primary, Gingrich promised to take DoMA one step further and proposed the “Defense of Open Marriage Act” (DoOMA).

Gingrich’s proposal comes in reaction to accusations from his second ex-wife, Marianne Gingrich. The former Mrs. Gingrich said that her then-husband gave her the option of divorce or an “open marriage” when he began seeing Callista Bisek, a Congressional aide twenty-three years his junior. When Marianne declined the option of sharing her husband with another woman, Gingrich divorced her and married Callista, now his third wife.

Gingrich affirmed his stance on traditional values to his fundamentalist audience. “I believe that marriage should be between a man, a woman, and his mistress. That’s the way marriage always has been, at least in Washington and Hollywood.”

He further clarified his proposal for how marriage would be defined under his potential administration. “Just because there are two women involved in the marriage, that doesn’t mean that they should do any freaky-deaky lesbo stuff … unless I’m in the room … and they’re both really hot…and we get it on video.”

Gingrich’s opponents quickly decried the proposal. Minnesota Congresswoman and former Republican candidate Michelle Bachmann condemned the idea, stating, “Marriage is between a man and a woman. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” She made her statement as she saw her husband, Dr. Marcus Bachmann, off at the Minneapolis Airport. Dr. Bachmann was reportedly on his way to a “Pray the Gay Away” seminar at the Castro District in San Francisco.

Former Massachusetts Governor and current Republican front-runner Mitt Romney also spoke out against DoOMA. “As a Mormon, the idea of a man keeping a mistress on the side, away from his wife, is absolutely abhorrent. He should marry her, too, and bring her into the family as a ‘sister-wife’.”

President Obama also spoke out against the so-called “Open Marriage Amendment”.  “I believe that any legislation that keeps people from making a commitment to whomever they love, regardless of race or gender, is wrong. However, I would be willing to concede Speaker Gingrich’s point if Michelle would agree to a three-way with Halle Berry.”

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton was on an overseas diplomatic mission and could not be reached for comment. She later responded via her Twitter account with this message:

“Nice Newt! U wanna have ur pie & eat it 2? Anybody remember ‘96? Lewinsky? Impeachment? My husband? Bueller? #hypocritemuch”

A spokesman for the Gingrich campaign responded to the outcry. “DoOMA is a legitimate proposal and Speaker Gingrich is showing his true leadership abilities. I mean, it’s not like he’s John Edwards and divorced his wife when he found out she had cancer!”