President Obama Delivers “State of Reality” Speech A Week After His “State of the Union” Address



President Obama Delivers A Dose of Reality To Students One Week After State of the Union

After delivering his “State of the Union” speech last week, President Obama decided to address a group of college seniors at the prestigious University of Norfolk in Detroit, Michigan. The speech has now been dubbed the “State of Reality” speech.

I have provided an excerpt of his speech below:

Dear Norfolkie Seniors:

You knew that things were going to be different now and that all your dreams were soon to come true. I became President almost four years ago and I promised hope and change. The problem is that being President is harder than it looks. I once promised to lower the levels of the sea, and that has not happened yet. The truth— reality is hard. So I want to be honest with you about your years after college.

Independence and freedom are almost yours. These are the years where you are boldly heading into adulthood and becoming everything you thought you would.  Or maybe you are boldly still living in your parent’s garage. It does not matter, because you have almost graduated college.

As you start to throw off the nakedness of youth, you will revel in your newfound wisdom and self-sufficiency. Tenderfoot and proud, however, you may soon realize that the only thing maturing are your college loans. With all this pressure now eating away at you, it is easy to forget what life is really about. 

Since this distinguished demarcation in life is full of contradictions, I created a list to help you understand the vicissitudes that accompany this transition period into adulthood:

HOPE:             As you age, you become more self-aware.     

REALITY:       You will prefer ignorance.

HOPE:             You are about to determine what you will be doing for the rest of your life

REALITY:       Realizing that the decisions you make are very important, your fear leads to inaction and you end up doing nothing.          

HOPE:             You become more self-confident.

REALITY:       You will be mistaken for a pompous, demeaning and overbearing turd (You will, however, make a perfect office manager).

HOPE:             You are in control of your life.

REALITY:       You have only yourself to blame.

HOPE:             You begin to understand how the world works.

REALITY:       You learn the world sucks and governed by greedy, ruthless individuals who will step hard on your cranium to climb to the top of the corporate ladder. 

HOPE:             You are more comfortable being alone.

REALITY:       Nobody wants to be around you.        

HOPE:             You start making decent money and begin to feel successful.

REALITY:       Your friends are more successful.

HOPE:             You are not pressured to smoke or drink to be part of the cool crowd.

REALITY:       You smoke and drink as a coping mechanism.          

HOPE:             You realize that the world does not revolve around you.

REALITY:       It revolves around your money.

HOPE:             You realize you can be whatever you want to be as long as you set your mind to it.

REALITY:       You are too tired to set anything besides your TiVo.

HOPE:             You learn that you do not have to live life according to some set of inane rules forced upon you by your family, peers and society.  

REALITY:       You live life according to that ancient Chinese philosopher, Status Quo.

HOPE:             You have at least thirty years to save up for retirement.

REALITY:       You still have to work for fifty more years.

HOPE:             The world is yours for the taking. 

REALITY:       You decide to lease a Toyota Prius instead.


Thank you. Godspeed.