Mitt Romney: Put A Fence Around It

During the CNN Republican Presidential Debate in South Carolina, frontrunner Mitt Romney detailed his complex and nuanced plan for stopping illegal immigration, “It’s simple. Build a fence.”

Mitt Romney went on to explain other topics in a similar fashion:

John King (Debate Moderator): Mr. Romney, Osama Bin Laden is now dead and Al Qaeda is on the ropes in most parts of the world, what would be your strategy to eliminate Al Qaeda once and for all and protect American interests not only domestically but also abroad?

Mitt Romney: I think the best course of action, at least in Afganistan, is fairly simple: Build a fence around it.

John King: I’m sorry Mr. Romney, let me make sure I am understanding you correctly. Are you suggesting that we build a fence around a country the size of Texas?

Mitt Romney: Yup.

John King: D0 you think that will keep extremists within Afganistan’s borders? I would imagine most leave the country by plane so the idea that–

MR: The fence will be tall, John.

JK: That…I mean– I’ve got to be honest, I’m a bit baffled by your answer but moving on to the economy. I want to ask the candidates what they will do, as president, to bring back some of the jobs that have been lost to China and India. What will be your plan to get Americans working again? Ron Paul, I’ll start with you–

MR: Can I just interrupt? Listen, what this country needs right now is to create jobs within our borders that can never be taken overseas ever again. What we do is simple: Make some jobs here, domestically, and build a fence so they can’t escape.

JK: I don’t–

MR: Ah, let me guess, you don’t understand! Huge surprise, John. We need to build a fence around you!


JK: Very funny, Mr. Romney but–

MR: No, I’m serious. For too long the liberal media has been in Barack Obama’s corner. We need to build a fence around you, The New York Times, and The Huffington Post.


JK: The Huffington Post is a website, how do–

MR: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fence.

JK: I’m at a loss for–

MR: Fence.

JK: Moving along to the issue of abortion–

MR: Baby gates.

JK: How about global warming?

MR: Simple. Fake fence! I don’t know, maybe fence. Science is out fence, or isn’t it. Depends on who I’m talking to fence.

JK: Government corruption–

MR: Watergates.

JK: High tech jobs–

MR: Bill Gates.

JK: …

MR: …

JK: Fences.

MR: Double fence! No fence backs!

JK: What in God’s name is happening.

(Mitt Romney runs into the audience towards the exit, pointing back to John King)

MR: Nah nah nah nah, I called no fence backs!






About Bill Dixon

Originally from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, Bill Dixon is a comedy writer and comedian residing in San Diego California. He is a humor columnist for and Editor and Founder of