Obama White House Shuts Down Main Street USA, No Longer the Happiest Place on Earth

Obama White House Shuts Down Main Street USA No Longer the Happiest Place on EarthInsideTheMagic YouTube Channel
Literally, dozens of shops were shut down on Main Street USA Thursday as President Barack Obama’s White House intruded on the Happiest Place on Earth.

Hundreds of pimply-faced, yet wholesome-looking teenagers dressed like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins had to go on break early as the evil Obaminator took over the microphone to discuss his “We Can’t Wait” agenda of executive actions that he believes will aid job growth and promote tourism to places like Knott’s Berry Farm, Six Flags Magic Mountain and Dollywood (as if Dollywood needed any support … or maybe it does considering …).

While his speech focused on improvements to granting nonimmigrant travel visas, particularly to those coming to the United States from China and Brazil, the real horror was the effect the president’s visit had on business on Disney World’s Main Street USA.

Mary PoppinsDisney
As Jason Recher , who served as trip director and assistant to President George W. Bush as well as being a senior advisor to the oh-so-awesome McCain-Palin ‘08 presidential campaign, told Human Events:

“The White House is literally shutting down ‘Main Street USA’ —  including dozens of vibrant shops, restaurants and attractions. [Obama’s] job-killing policies have already shut down many real Main Streets across our country, so I guess it makes sense.”

Yes! He’s right! All those poor workers at The Chapeau (Mickey ears!), Crystal Arts, Main Street Gallery, Kodak Camera Center, Newsstand, Uptown Jewelers, Main Street Cinema, Disney Clothiers, Main Street Athletic Club and the Emporium will most definitely be laid off. No amount of clapping could possible save that overgrown Tinker Bell from imminent death.

Recher added that the use of the Secret Service at Obama’s event “will cause a major disruption for thousands of families from around the country and world who have scrimped and saved to make this moment special for their families.”

God forbid the President of the United States shows up to screw up a perfectly decent family vacation!

Recher also explains that Disney World is whopping 46 square miles so Obama could have found a place on the grounds where there are no businesses or shops or places selling Mickey hats, Mickey t-shirts, Mickey lollipops, Mickey posters, Mickey flip-flops, Mickey shorts, Mickey underwear, Mickey toothpaste, Mickey mugs, Mickey …

Obama could have found a place that would not “shut down business and negatively impact thousands of unsuspecting tourists” on a Thursday in mid-January when Disneyland is simply MOBBED with fanny-pack-toting, suntan-lotion-reeking, camera-snapping tourists.

Former Presidents Reagan, Bush and Carter at Disney World

Former Presidents Reagan, Bush and Carter speaking at Disney World

Think, Obama! Think! And by that, I mean, think about what George H. W. Bush would do. Think about what Nixon would do. For God’s sake, man! Think about what Reagan would do!

About Deborah Brancheau

Deborah Brancheau is the Managing Editor of RestoringTruthiness.org, a political comedy website inspired by the political satire of Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Deborah's background is a smörgåsbord of experience. With a bachelor’s degrees in Anthropology and Theatre and a Minor in Cinema/Television, and a Master's Degree in Communication from the University of Southern California, Deborah took her heavily student-loan-funded education and became a sports-writing, high-school-teaching, graphic-designing, university-professing, broke-bum bastard. When that didn't work out too well, she refunneled her expertise into this new venture, RestoringTruthiness.org.