Mitt Romney’s Presidential Campaign Ruined Because He Spoke French Once

Mitt Romney is a Frenchman!Wikipedia/Brian Frange
Newt Gingrich, self-proclaimed legitimate Presidential candidate, has been flexing his muscles in South Carolina by attacking the current Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney. It has proven difficult to attack Romney on the basis of political platform and policy because frankly people don’t care about that. But there is one thing that Newt knows everyone in America cares about. Hating French people! And so Newt’s crack political team dug up a YouTube clip from nine years ago of Mitt Romney speaking French one time…Sacrebleu!

It’s a twist ending! Just like an M. Night Shyamalan movie it turns out Mitt Romney spoke French the entire time! There’s no way the American people would stand having a President who is bi-lingual. In fact we prefer Republican candidates who can barely speak one language. But if you’re going to speak two languages please let not the second one be French! The only thing more anti-American than speaking French is speaking MEXICAN!

After two distant fourth place finishes Newt has good reason to spend people’s money showing the world Romney spoke French one time. This transcends one man’s solid fourth place Presidential Primary campaign, this is about protecting the American way of life! Just like the way the French protected the American way of life when they allied with us in the Revolutionary War to defeat the British and thus allowed this country to exist at all. Just like that!