Herman Cain Refuses to Leave America Alone, Starts Obnoxious Bus Tour

Herman Cain Bus Tour, 9-9-9 PlanWikipedia

Herman Cain not being self-promoting.

After a month of inexplicable absence from the political spotlight Herman Cain has returned in full force by announcing on “Hannity” that he will be launching a unique and not at all obnoxious bus tour to tout his grand unified theory of taxation summed up as the 9-9-9 tax plan.

Many so-called critics are saying, “Bus tour? Didn’t Sarah Palin already try that?.” To them I say her national bus tour was a self-promoting publicity stunt that only distracted America from tackling real political problems. Herman Cain’s national bus tour is way different. For example, Herman Cain’s larger-than-life-sized bus wrap is red on one side and blue on the other. While Sarah Palin’s bus wrap was more of a sky motif with some spots of green even!

But this isn’t about how big we can make Herman Cain’s face in Photoshop, this is about politics! After all, what better way to focus on America’s political problems than to put a man on a bus with absolutely no political experience who’s only real talent is running a pizza franchise and repetitively cheating on his complacent wife? There is no better way!

This national bus tour comes with a real plan that has nothing to do with Herman Cain being selected as the GOP candidates Vice President. It’s about the 9-9-9 plan which Forbes claims was ripped off from a computer game and reminds me a lot of this Wendy’s commercial. This is about the 9-9-9 plan which Bloomberg declared as mathematically impossible.

This plan is about more than just its ingenious, catchy title (which would be perfect for a pizza commercial), its about change. Cain will be promoting a plan that raises taxes on the poor using a form of transportation that poor people are forced to take….that’s why he used a bus because with this new tax plan everyone who makes less than $200,000 a year should look forward to many more bus trips in the future. What a visionary!

Finally, this bus tour will be launched in conjunction with CainConnections.Com. An online dating website where Herman Cain can find new ladies with whom he can participate in the age old art of infidelity. What? That’s not what the site is about? Oh, it’s just a website where supporters can keep track of the bus tour? Well then I shouldn’t have put “single and ready to mingle” as my CainConnections profile status.