The Caucus has Spoken, Romney Crowned King of Iowa

The Caucus has Spoken Romney Crowned King of
After the all night political bender that was the Iowa caucuses, the world is finally allowed to rest. For the Iowans have selected their President and that man is Mitt Romney. With a late push, Mr. Romney took a commanding lead over Rick Santorum in the mid-west state that is fairly east and held that lead until the final vote was tallied. Santorum was devastated to learn he had been beaten but is looking forward to the next primary in South Carolina. With a grand total of eight votes awarded to the Mitt Romney he became Iowa’s nominee. As exciting as that news is, the real story was the record-breaking attendance for this year’s caucus. Iowa’s new attendance record for their primary now stands at a staggering eight people!

As for the results of this year’s first and obviously most accurate primary—since 1972 three Iowa winners have gone on to win the presidency—Mitt Romney was the candidate of choice. News agencies across this country are reporting that Romney got 25 percent of the vote as did Santorum with Ron Paul bringing in 22 percent. The complete list reads as follows: Romney 25% Santorum 25% Paul 22% Gingrich 14% Perry 11% Bachman 5% Huntsman <1% and Cain <1%.

You may be asking yourself how exactly a caucus-style primary works or how a turnout of eight people could possibly have 25 percent going to multiple people if all eight votes ended up with Romney. Good questions. Let me break it down for you. In Iowa, a group of well informed citizens, with nothing else to do, gather in a room and discuss which candidate is best. The group is seated in a circle around a spittoon. When an argument for a candidate is made that people agree with, they spit into said spittoon. With every ding of the spittoon the caucus recorder notes the point to the candidate by making a hash mark on a dry-erase board borrowed from the local YMCA. This goes on and on until the spittoon is full or the caucus attendees tire. This time, Mitt Romney had 25 percent of the spit plus a few more thus beating Rick Santorum and he was awarded the eight votes.

A representative was on hand after the results were announced to explain how the state was able to handle such a throng of people. In a prepared statement, the official said that he and his wife were able to organize such an event with relative ease. They happened to have a barn they weren’t using and they made the invitations indicate it was B.Y.O.B (bring your own beer). The official did however state that this event was not all peaches and cream. The primary location was to be the civic center but the boy’s under-13 basketball game went into double overtime and the caucus-goers had to be relocated. Luckily, the owner of a Dodge Caravan was able to assist with transportation.

To recap, the event went off without a hitch due to the superb planning of the Turnbuckles, thanks to their years of experience running a book club and annual chili cook-off. Mitt Romney received 8 more Iowans votes than his closest competitor, Rick Santorum; a candidate that has less than 5 percent of the national vote. And Republicans are one step closer to being completely out of candidates that aren’t Mitt Romney. On to South Carolina!